I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
