literally had 100 drinks last night.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
