I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
