Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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