So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Randomize
