I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
