I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
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I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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