you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
