from now on my penis is your penis
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
