no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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