we have officially lost it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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