maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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