So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
