Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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