Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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