my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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