she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I forgot how hot balto sounded
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
