There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
