I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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