i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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