Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
