My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
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Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
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I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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