Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
