haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
In other news, I just burned my penis
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
