operation have a gay friend backfired
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
