There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
