if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
