I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Your penis caused this!
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