his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
