in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
