I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I party with great urgency now.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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