Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
