I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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