She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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