Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
