You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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