this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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