i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
