Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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