Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
