The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
