I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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