no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Your shirt... Was in my pants
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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