he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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