Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
