You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
