Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
