Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
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I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
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It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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