Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
