see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
