2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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