that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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