shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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