You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
