dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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