so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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