I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
