you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
