So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
