Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
