there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
