i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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