I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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