Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
wow bdsm is so cute
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