she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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