Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
All the doctor said was why
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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