Soap is not a condiment
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
