There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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