i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
