Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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