So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
This is the high leading the old right now
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm just crazy horny about you
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
