i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
there is glitter all over my balls
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
