just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
